1. Fucker Meal $4.49

“The Fucker Meal is a single burger patty topped with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, mayo, pickles, ketchup, and onions,” the Liaison patiently explained. “It comes with fries–”

“Wait, so they DO have onions,” Alice interjected.

“Raw onions, you idiot!” He pinched between his eyebrows. “It comes with fries and a drink.”

Alice imagined the process of eating a raw onion. The thing was, she wasn't sure if she was ready for such a responsibility – raw onions have this… well, this grunch. Totally different from crunch, it seems to make your teeth – and entire nervous system – hang for a few seconds, like you clicked on a page that was trying to load too many high-resolution images of Yankee Candles.

After some consideration, she decided that she did not want the grunch.