At the drive-through, Alice was struck by the most peculiar thing: the menu was, well, it seemed to be quite confused about what it wanted to be.

Combo Meals

  1. Fucker Meal $4.49
  2. Double Fucker Meal $5.49
  3. Super Sloppy Bacon Cumgasm $6.69
  4. Bastard Son of Fucker Meal $3.59
  5. Jesus Christ’s Flesh and Blood Meal $4.49
  6. Original Chicken Sandwich $4.49
  7. Spicy Original Chicken Sandwich $4.49
  8. Fish Sandwich, Lightly Jizzed On $5.49

Salads

  1. Southwest Assless Chaps Booty–Slappin Salad $4.89
  2. Super Sloppy Bacon Cumgasm Salad $4.79
  3. Original Chicken Salad $4.79
  4. Little Vegetarian Bitch Option $1.99

Dollar Menu

  1. Cumburger
  2. Small Fries, Unjizzed
  3. Small Soft Drink
  4. Iced “Tea”
  5. Pathetic Side Salad
  6. Puppuccino

Desserts

  1. Cinnamon Roll with “Icing” $2.79
  2. “Soft Serve” with “Sauce” $1.20
  3. Chocolate Chip Cookie $1.09

That’s all the normal Burger Burger menu, she thought to herself. But the next parts made no sense:

Cough, Cold & Flu

  1. Sore Throat Lozenge Meal $1.29
  2. Ibuprofen Kids Medicine, “Yucky Berry” Meal $7.49
  3. Nighttime Cold & Flu Liquid, “Yucky Cherry” Meal $9.49

Allergy Medicine

  1. Allergy Relief Softgels 24 Hour Meal $22.99
  2. Neti Pot Kit Meal $13.49
  3. Once Daily Eye Allergy Itch Relief $15.99
  4. Cordless Ultrapure Steam Inhaler $179.99

Home Tests and Monitoring

  1. Digital Thermometer 30 Second Rigid-Tip $9.99
  2. Blood Glucose Test Strips $18.99
  3. Rapid Detection Pregnancy Test $14.99
  4. Humidifier $27.99
  5. Ear Thermometer $55.99

Feminine Care

  1. Vaginal Insert and Cream Meal $19.99
  2. Long Pantiliners Unscented Meal $4.94
  3. Extra Heavy Overnight Pads with Wings Unscented Meal $12.99

Stop Smoking

We’re here to help you quit smoking. Here at Burger Burger, we are more than ready to help you quit at the speed that’s right for you.

  1. Nicotine Gum Meal $49.99
  2. Nicotine Mini Lozenge Meal $59.99
  3. Nicotine Patches Meal $65.99
  4. Nicotine Gum to Stop Smoking $72.99
  5. Nicotine Patches to Stop Smoking $85.99
  6. Nicotine Coated Gum to Stop Smoking $99.99
  7. Nicotine Transdermal System Stop Smoking Aid Patch Kit $119.99
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