2. Small Fries, Unjizzed

“If you’re too chickenshit to eat cum,” the Liaison explained, as if talking down to a small child (which she hoped he would not talk to about cum burgers), “how about these pristine, un-cummed-upon French fries?”

She considered this. “What makes them French, anyway?”

“Actually, they might be Belgian. Is that more confusing?”

“Very.”

The Liaison pulled a stack of papers out of nowhere and began rifling through them. “Did you know that in 2003, a Republican U.S. representative attempted to rename French fries to Freedom fries, in an attempt to ostracize the French for not approving their invasion of Iraq?”

“What?” She scratched her head. “I think I remember that. From like, Snopes or something.”

“Uh-huh. And did you know, most potato chip flavors are actually based off of fry dips and seasonings?”

“Right. What?”

None of this was convincing her that the fries were edible, or even that they were truly untouched by semen.